Workshop Letters to Peers

About Demitrius's draft:

1: Your center of gravity seems to be that dialogue is a very important narrating style that Diaz uses in Drown.  For this argument, you say that the dialogue has so much value in the novel, specifically because it "adds to the story" and allows you to relate to the main character.  You seem to be trying to articulate the idea that Diaz's use of dialogue essentially allows you to feel the character's experience.  I think this is one of your main pieces of evidence.  You appear to be amazed at how large of a role dialogue really plays in the development of the characters in the story, as well as how we view these characters.
2: I believe that you should cite several pieces of dialogue that Diaz uses in Drown.  Not only will it allow the reader (me) to directly see what you're talking about, but it will also make me believe you more.  You have several strong ideas, but you refer to some as "...this is..." and "things."  Elaborate on them, and let the reader clearly understand what you are pointing to.  What really caught my eye was when you mentioned "It's like the dialogue is supposed to be hidden, but when found reveals the true drive behind the story."  You seem to skip over it a bit, but that's probably because this was your raw draft.  I am also really interested in when you say that the text is so powerful due to the fact that many can find a connection within it.  I want to know how (and if you do) connect with the text!

About Hanif's draft:

1: Your center of gravity seems to be that Diaz is able to use objective correlatives in a way that the object represents the idea quite well.  I guess this wonders you because he seems to simply take a gingko tree and correlate it to Yunior's feelings of loneliness and his repetitive life.  You are also making a mini-argument that Yunior uses others, such as Rafa, to express his emotions towards his dad.  I think that you can also use Yunior's mom and the way the two (mom and dad) are described to sort of justify the idea that the dad will never come back a better man.  If you were to only focus on this objective correlative, then I believe a question you can focus on is why Rafa and Yunior fantasize about their dad in this way, knowing that he won't come back.  But, of course, you can use Yunior's loneliness and boredom with the gingko trees as evidence that maybe Yunior wants something exciting and eventful to happen, such as him having a father who cares!
2: You've outlined a pretty solid basis for your essay, but I certainly want to know more about the emotions that relate to you.  After all, I think objective correlatives let us further know more about a character by allowing us to connect to them.  You should definitely explain yourself more.  I don't know if you've realized or did it on purpose, but your last paragraph seems to have a warrant and acknowledgment, which is really good because you can respond to the acknowledgment and then respond back with your claim that the object Diaz uses and the emotion they represent are like puzzle pieces, they fit together perfectly.